Jeremy Lambert's Smackdown Show Notes: This Show Sucks

• RETRIBUTION GONNA CAUSE THE CHAOS!
• Not sure why they are starting with the main event, but here we are. Glad Big E is reminding everyone that he has had past singles success. He's more of a singles threat than John Morrison has ever been in WWE.
• Okay, I'm out on Retribution. I was having a laugh at it, but screwing up the Big E singles push is where I draw the line. Plus, the friggin' shaking camera.
• Also, great job WWE security.
• This show sucks
• Really sucks
• King Corbin is holding a rah rah speech and no one wants to rally behind King Corbin.
• Sheamus is Irish.
• Why did Retribution run away? Should have torn down the ring again and then the show ended.
• Oh, Payback. When is that again?
• YEAH! FUCK EM UP ASUKA! SHE IS NOT HERE FOR THE BULLSHIT!
• Hope the winner is someone who didn't get an entrance. Don't ask me why.
• Why does Tamina look like she's Patrick Ewing in the fourth quarter when she hasn't done anything?
• Michael Cole wants to see Bianca vs. Bayley because he doesn't like Bianca and knows she will lose.
• HOLY SHIT BIANCA RULES!
• Poor Naomi
• I hope Tegan gets an actual push out of this.
• Not sure why Baszler thought that choke was a good idea.
• I like Asuka. I don't need this to be the only story they are doing. Let someone else shine.
• Mandy has joined the Misfits In Action
• Bless Mandy and Sonya for doing this hair vs. hair gimmick.
• I guess Alexa no longer has Braun's number if she couldn't call him over the past week. Facebook status definitely changed to "it's complicated."
• Remember when Sheamus vs. Shorty G had that heatless match at the Royal Rumble? Good news, it's January again. Let's not screw things up this time, America.
• Glad we did that match.
• Abyss has the same case on his Mac as me.
• The PISS System. HA! GET IT?
• It is cool to see Abyss and AJ on TV together in 2020.
• This show is awful
• Daniel Bryan really does book the show. AJ is still shook of Bryan's comments.
• This segment sucks
• Of course Jeff Hardy would have something to do with this PISS system
• AHHHHHAHAHA. Popped at AJ's "HELLLLLL NO!" I am a sucker for this man's accent.
• "This aint no pitty party." Right, it's a PISSy party.
• Nothing like a good title theft.
• AJ's analytics are just as good as AEW's
• Okay, the AJ and Abyss pairing is very good.
• Lucha House Party are very bad thefts, giving the belts back like that.
• Cool to see Kalisto and the babyfaces use a three on two advantage.
• Also, Kalisto is jacked. I need to go away for eight months so I can be that jacked as well.
• Riddle should call women "Sis" instead of "Bro."
• Is there still a king's random on Riddle?
• So did Corbin collect the king's random? Or was it Chad?
• Are they going to ask Alexa about being Sister Abigail? Did this person even go to journalism?
• And now we watch Big E's knee get worked over for 15 minutes before he wins.
• Otis' mom made sure he brought his briefcase this week.
• Retribution either got new members or steroids work.
• JUST LET BIG E HAVE HIS DAMN PUSH WITHOUT THIS NONSENSE!
• This is not the NWO attack.
• AHHHHHAHAHAHA THAT "LOGO"
• Big E vs. Sheamus should honestly rule. Too bad they are just treating both guys like geeks for Retribution and now Strowman/Wyatt.
• Why did they turn Braun into Big Show?
• Alexa auditioning for that Hollywood gig in this segment.
• Glad Braun explained how the Fiend changes people.
• This is so awful that I can't help but laugh.
• Hey look, Braun and Bray are also laughing.
• Good Time Scale Rating: AHHHHAHAAHAHAAHHHHAHAHAHAHHHAAAHHHHAHAHAAHAHAHA