Fetlife Etiquette for Noobs

• It’s impolite to insert yourself into strangers’ sexual experiences without permission, so keep your imaginary hands and first-person pronouns out of your picture comments. “That’s gorgeous” is A-okay. “I want to put my [redacted] in your [redacted]” is not okay. “Good photograph” is A-okay. “Good girl” is not okay. If you think she took the picture for you please attend our class, "Recovering from Narcissism." During the course, you'll be blocked by 5 million women and shag exactly none of them. You may then choose to graduate as a respectful human or move onto your nearest incel site. The benefits of that choice are primarily yours.
  
• Sexual harassment isn’t defined by gender. Just because you’re a woman, doesn’t mean he’s comfortable with creepy drooling.
  
• If you look at Fetlife’s women from a particular angle, we look almost human. It's uncanny. If you’re unsure whether you’re messaging a human being or an alien slut bot from the planet Xenon, it’s best to assume the former by speaking in full sentences. HRU is not a full sentence. It’s a vomit of laziness.
  
• SlutGirl-69 isn't a different species of "feeemale" merely because she's stuffed a toy soldier and a carrot in her pussy. She's just a regular person who wants to connect on a respectful level before consenting to connect on a disrespectful level. Is it unusual that she likes shagging coconuts? Only if you know which household ingredients your boss and physiotherapist shag, and you don’t. Besides, how do you know SlutGirl-69 isn’t your boss? Now go forth and live with that discomfort.
  
• Since we’re on the subject, most Fetlifians think the word “female” is the mating call of the common red-breasted misogynist, so go ahead and try it. I have a Darwin Award looking for a recipient. No, do it. Make my day. </Dirty Harry sneer>
  
• Vanilla folk are welcome here, but only if you don’t other us for being kinky. This is kinksters' sole online habitat. You have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. If you can’t accept us, the door to the other 2 million social media sites is around that corner over there.
  
• Kink is a highly politicised space because consent and diversity are two of our most important ethics. Oh, and also because there’s rather a lot of rape going around, and we quite like to minimise the damage of consent violations. Before you write, “What does this have to do with kink?” consider the possibility that you aren't The Official Gatekeeper of the Kink Universe.
  
• Chill. No really. Calm down. Breathe. If it takes 10 minutes or more to click love on every picture in his album, you’re probably overcrowding him. An exhibitionist might enjoy 50 clicks, but a regular human-type alien will assume you’re a creeper at the 10-click mark.
  
• YKINMKATOK is another cherished ethic. It means, “Your kink isn’t my kink and that’s okay,” which can be roughly translated as, “You’re being an asshole and that’s not okay.” Do not run around telling random masochists that BDSM is abuse. Don't try to rescue all the slaves. Prepare yourself not to balk at obscure kinks. Balloon and tickle fetishes are every bit as legitimate as your totally common desire to watch clown porn and listen to Celine Dion while wearing only diapers.